Inspiration & Lyrics

Frank Thomas
Frank "The Big Hurt" Thomas was a real power batter and could certainly put a big hurt on a baseball.
"Big hurt, big hurt, Frank Thomas is the big hurt."

Roberto Alomar
2nd baseman, Roberto Alomar once spit in an umpire's face over a disputed call.
"Ump better not call me out because I'm an all-star. If he does I'm gonna spit in his face like Roberto Alomar."

Fred McGriff
Fred "The Crime Dog" McGriff was always a force to be reckoned with whether he was batting or playing the field. He also appeared on a television commercial endorsing Tom Emanski's baseball camp.
"You better not mess with the Crime Dog or else he's gonna take a bite out of you. Fred McGriff is the Crime Dog. He endorsed Tom Emanski's baseball camp."

Green Monster
The Green Monster is another name for the giant left field wall at Fenway Park in Boston.
"I'm gonna go to Boston and scale the Green Monster and rob you of a homerun."

Andre Dawson
Andre Dawson was an all-around good player with the nickname "The Hawk."
"The hawk flies high"

Moises Alou
Game 6 of the NLCS against the Florida Marlins, Alou leaps for a foul ball, reaching into the stands when a lowly Cubs fan named Steve Bartman steals the ball right out of Alou's glove. Had Alou caught the ball, there would have been two outs, instead the Marlins rally and score eight runs in that very inning and the Cubs undoubtedly lose the game and the series. Soon after, Alou left the Cubs and their decades long curse and played ball in San Francisco.
"I got robbed today by a die-hard Cubs fan. He stole the ball right out of my hands, his name is Steve Bartman. The curse lives for another day. I'm getting out of Chicago, I'm heading west to McCovey Cove."

Tim Wakefield
Pitcher Tim Wakefield undoubtedly has the best knuckle-ball in the major leagues.
"Tim Wakefield, yeah he's got the best knuckle-ball in the league."

Jim Rooker
June 8, 1989. The Pittsburgh Pirates are playing a road game in Philadelphia. The Pirates take an early lead and score ten runs in the top of the first inning. As the Phillies come up to bat, Jim Rooker, the Pittsburgh radio broadcaster, said on the air "If we lose this game, I'll walk home." The Pirates blow the lead and Philadelphia comes back to win the game 15-11. Rooker walked 320 long miles back to Pittsburgh.
"If the Pirates don't win, I'm walking home from Philadelphia. It's a long way home."

Nolan Ryan
When Robin Ventura was a rookie, he got hit by a pitch thrown by Nolan Ryan and decided it would be a good idea to charge the mound. Ventura's decision backfired as Nolan Ryan immediately put him in a headlock and commenced punching him in the top of the head. This resulted in a bench clearing brawl and a baseball moment that won't soon be forgotten.
"It would be unwise to charge when Nolan Ryan is on the mound, cuz he'll put you in a headlock and he'll take you down. Just ask Robin Ventura, he was a rookie, it was his first year. Welcom to the big leagues. Don't charge the mound."

Randy Johnson
Randy "The Big Unit" Johnson once threw a fastball that collided with a passing bird, thus sending an explosion of feathers everywhere. He also pushed over a cameraman almost immediately after landing in New York to play for the Yankees.
"Go up against Randy Johnson and you'll be at a loss for words. Go up against Randy Johnson and he'll explode you like that bird. Go up against the Big Unit and it'll be a massacre. Go up against the Big Unit and he'll explode you like that bird. I don't take too kindly to New York press."

John Rocker
Throughout John Rocker's career, he made multiple racist, homophobic, and sexist comments in interviews and other press releases. It doesn't matter who you are, you don't say things that are racist, sexist, homophobic, or hurtful. If you do, then fuck you.
"Who does John Rocker think he is? He'll never be a role model to the kids. I Don't care who you are, if you're gonna say racist shit, fuck you. You're running out of the bullpen and you're running your mouth, fuck you. Fuck John Rocker."

Dante Bichette
There's a baseball card of Dante Bichette in which he's sitting in the dugout wearing a shirt that says, "Bichette happens."
"Bichette happens."

Albert Bell
In 1996, Albert Bell plowed over second baseman Fernando Vina twice in one game when Vina was supposedly blocking Belle's path to 2nd base. Belle received a hefty fine for the incident.
"Stay outta the base path, or you'll get run down. Stay outta the base path, when Albert Bell comes to town."

Self Titled Tape

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side a
1. frank thomas
2. roberto alomar
3. fred mcgriff
4. green monster
5. andre dawson/moises alou
6. tim wakefield
side b
7. jim rooker
8. nolan ryan
9. randy johnson
10. john rocker
11. dante bichette
12. albert belle